How to Love Yourself & Why You Should

Being too hard on yourself can lead to unhealthy behaviour patterns and is detrimental to your (mental) health! So here's a quick summary of what self-criticism is, why it is harmful and why you should avoid it.

The pros of loving oneself far outweigh the cons; at least as far as over-criticism is concerned

We have all heard that you should love yourself. But, only a few of us even realise that being too hard on your self can lead to chronic and repeated episodes of depression and associated behavioural/mental health issues. That's according to this article, that is.

Let me be clear: I’m not a psychologist. I don't have experience treating depression. I have read about this topic online and summarise it. If you feel that you display any of the symptoms I mention, then you should (please do) see a qualified professional Psychologist or Psychiatrist, as soon as you can.

What is Self-criticism

Criticism without any positive effects is (probably) self-criticism.

Self-criticism, in psychological terms, is the skewing of our own definition of ourself. 

It translates to an overly critical view of one self. It's characterised by being apologetic for past and present failures, and where any adverse situation is imagined as having developed from a defect in ourselves.

Although, this general behaviour represents the basis of self-improvement, beyond a certain point it can only be harmful! How? What you should remember is that self-criticism which does not affect any positive change is harmful.

Why is it Harmful

Depression has been shown to have causality with self-critical behaviour.

Although the term seems harmless, it's not  always the case. Self-criticism is considered to be a cause of depression.

Indulging in persistence behaviour of self-criticism can lead to depression in any age group. Along with the associated behavioural/mental health issues like:

• Anxiety
• Substance abuse
• Low self-esteem
• Decreased motivation
• Preoccupation with failure

Patients with major depressive disorder (or MDD) have a prevalence of self-criticism and the absence of self-compassion. More proof for the relationship between self-criticism and clinical depression.

How to Avoid Self-criticism & Practice Self-compassion

Love yourself & choose self-compassion instead of self-pity or self-criticism.

Self-compassion is a go-to practice in situations when you’re feeling you’re being too hard on yourself. 

It relates to deliberately practicing kindness and understanding towards ourselves -- something that should not be hard but, surprisingly, is. (No, you're not the only one who feels this way!)

According to the (now famous) New York Times article titled, ‘Why You Should Stop Being So Hard on Yourself’ here's the three step plan you should follow in order to love yourself more.

#1 - Commitment to loving yourself

Commit to the act of being less negative and demeaning to yourself. Accept your faults and yourself for who you are. 

Believe me, this is easier said than done, but allowing yourself to process these emotions instead of repressing them is the first step.

#2 - Faithfulness to loving yourself

Consciously, responding to negativity about yourself with kind statements. It's okay to tell yourself, "You're not all that bad!"

Don't be condescending but use logic, based on reasonableness and fairness. We all deserve it.

#3 - Seeing the difference

Make an effort to see the difference that self-compassion has in your attitude and your resulting self-esteem, than if you were being too hard on yourself.

Self-compassion does not mean that you abandon your goals of self-improvement. Rather, treat yourself as well (or as politely) as you would treat a friend who is feeling low and needs encouragement.

And the result?

Self-compassion isn't about going easy on yourself. It's about being fair. It's okay to say things kindly to yourself.

No matter what challenges we come up against or what consequences we're living through, we're not all that bad!